


Fantasy

by peonydee



Series: fried donuts and steamed buns [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: How Do I Tag, pre-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6042553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peonydee/pseuds/peonydee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wherein Alya educates her friends on a few fan activities related to Chat Noir</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fantasy

Nino was all for harmonious coexistence that Monday, but the moment Alya had nearly taken his head off for almost bumping into her, he knew it was going to be a tempestuous day. See, Alya did not take well to being thwarted, especially when the ones doing said thwarting were usually docile to her machinations. Over the weekend, she and Nino had spectacularly failed to play matchmaker between their respective best friends, both of whom seem exasperatedly clueless about the other’s crush.

They've had years to get used to Marinette’s automatic loss of higher brain function around Adrien. Lately though, Adrien’s expressions started becoming soft and riveted when watching Marinette in her natural habitat, seeing her cornered into taking charge of the class or seeing her creativity unleashed in some project. Nowadays he saw a lot of her, now that he and Marinette often ended up together when the four of them hung out as Alya and Nino sometimes occupied each other’s attention. It was then Alya decided to take action.

Nino was her unfortunate chosen second and due to the nature of their relationship, wasn’t allowed to refuse.

 They had managed to reach lunch break without Alya blowing up at Marinette for showing up two hours after yesterday’s movie date. (It was primed for a switcheroo among the four of them.) While Adrien didn’t show at all, Nino wasn’t inclined to scold him. Adrien had forgone going home for lunch and was quietly catching up on homework he had missed, apparently busy all week for a special runway show that involved some acrobatics. Nino had seen bruises marching up Adrien’s side and wondered what sort of rehearsal from hell the model had to attend all weekend. They had just congregated around his friend at one of the tables dotting the school yard to wait out the fifteen minutes or so left till their classes resume.

“And I thought you were bad, Marinette,” Alya was saying, “but you should have heard those lycee girls squealing over Adrien in the mall bathroom yesterday.”

“Alya!” Marinette hissed in mortification.

Alya waved away her protest. “Please, girl, they were all swooning with the usual, ‘Oh, he takes my breath away! Oh, he’s so dreamy~ I drown in the meadows of paradise whenever he looks at my direction!’ The usual fluff.”

Nino didn’t have to look up from his report to see how much their classmate was blushing. Her sputtering by itself sounded like an overheated engine. She was determinedly looking away from Adrien, while Adrien, ever the gentleman pretended he was too engrossed in his work to have heard.

“But when they moved on to Chat Noir though–” Alya whistled and mimed fanning her and her best friend’s face.

“Chat Noir?” Marinette repeated.

Nino did a double-take, staring at how the designer seemed to have completely lost her embarrassment to, as close as the DJ could figure from her slack expression, bewilderment.

“It sounded like they were going to devour that cat–if only they knew how dorky Chat Noir actually gets sometimes. I mean, some of my battle footage are YouTube worthy.”

“Like viral cat videos?”

“Exactly! But the girls were talking about how hot Chat Noir looks in his cat suit recently–and I kid you not, I’ve actually not noticed because I’m so focused on documenting the fights–but man, when you look at him at just the right time, it just hits you like a truck. Chat Noir is one fine specimen of man.”

”………..“

"They were wondering what sort of material his suit was to be so form fitting like that, what with the way it clings to every contour of the leanly muscled Adonis–what if they make a movie adaptation of Chat Noir? Would Adrien Agreste play him? Oh, but Adrien is just too pure for Chat’s devilish–”

"Some sort of high-tech polymer mix that can’t be replicated by our technology,” Marinette muttered, still seemingly confused by the idea that other girls find Chat Noir attractive. Which made sense, Nino figured, since Marinette adored Adrien, a guy seemingly opposite of Chat Noir in looks, a world class dork hiding under a handsome mug. Huh. Nino supposed they weren’t that different in that sense after all.

Meanwhile, Adrien completely spun away from his homework, predictably excited by any talk remotely scientific. “It’s some sort of biomechanical membrane, I bet,” he said. “You know. Like a second sin.”

As equally predictable, Marinette’s expression turned complicated, almost as if she couldn’t believe her crush was weighing in on the issue, with a stinky pun of all things. Alya, however, had a different take. Nino felt second-hand anxiety at the speculative expression on her face.

"Tell me, Adrien,” Alya said with a cock of an eyebrow. “Do you fantasize about Chat Noir’s body, too? Not going to lie–that is just sinful.”

Marinette looked like she was about to pass out at the question, but Adrien merely laughed.

“I just figured he is so ungodly nimble on his feet,” the teen model said. “He probably has like proprioceptors running through his suit. Must be quite sensitive, again like a second skin. And that’s how he lands on his feet when falling from a great height–you know, like his namesake?”

"Are you alright, Mari?” Alya asked, poking her friend’s stiffened body.

The petite girl jerked as if electrocuted, “Y-yes!” then, arms windmilling tinily, she offered, “um, but he doesn’t.”

“He doesn’t?” Adrien repeated.

He looked so earnest, Nino thought, either happy that Marinette was conversing with him directly or that he was getting a counter-argument of sorts from her. Damn, his bestie could be such a cheesy spazz…

“He doesn’t land on his feet,” Marinette said.

Whatever Adrien expected her to say, it wasn’t that. His face crumbled like a smashed cookie. Alya meanwhile was laughing her ass off. Nino felt like it was some sort of betrayal to not say anything in support of the boys representative in the Parisian heroic duo, but what was he supposed to do? Alya had as evidence all those crazy videos she took of Ladybug and Chat Noir, sometimes at the risk of her own safety. Nino was just a lyceean boy, an indulgent boyfriend who stayed out of things like obsessive curiosity.

“Anyway,” Adrien said. “My point is, those girls are probably right. That’s probably all him, all cool cat. I mean cats are nature’s sleekest predators. He has to be shredded, trained from all those times his equally sleek partner pushes him off rooftops.”

Alya looked at Adrien with such a knowing look that Nino mourned for his best friend’s dignity right then.

"Oh, you innocent boy,” she lamented. “They weren’t fantasizing over his abs or guns.”

”….what were they fantasizing about then?“ Marinette asked.

"His man buns? His cat package?”

“His what?”

“His behind, Marinette! His ass and crotch! The kitten-making toolkit that’s barely hidden by that skintight suit–how can anyone not notice!?”

Nino buried his face on his hands. Or maybe more like palmed his face. And peeked through his fingers. Because the matching shade of red that has exploded on both faces of the reluctant lovebirds before him seemed ridiculously out of proportion to Alya’s reasonable statement. They’re all teenagers here. Not to sound philosophical about it, but they look at each other after all. Sometimes, they admire what they see. Sometimes, they think about what they see…later, whether or not they’d particularly admit to having liked what they had seen…

Maybe, maybe not.

He couldn’t believe Marinette would actually think Adrien was immune to that.

Alya was laughing hysterically again, so much so that she sounded like she was about to cry.

“This is why they’re just not hooking up, Alya,” Nino told her when she finally calmed down. “There, there.”

"You guys have no idea?” she asked. “There are several blogs out there solely dedicated to suggestive screen caps and gifs created from akuma fights footage. I get pinged every someone uses my pics or videos–at least, when they credit me.”

"Wait,” Adrien managed. “There’s a blog full of my–Chat Noir’s crotch shots.”

“Not just a blog. Not just crotch shots or back shots. See, gifs are pretty awesome. You can’t tell how dorky the source material is at all. And Chat Noir is just plain sinful in gif, what with the slow-mo and the lack of context. I’ll put up links to some on my next post.”

“NO!”

As Alya might say, the Adrinette doth protest too much and Nino finally lost it himself.

“You can always go to church afterwards, kids,” he said with a last guffaw. “You guys might finally learn something.”

“You want the links, too, Nino?”

“Uh. No thanks.”

“I will never do underwear campaigns,” Adrien muttered as the school bell rang to usher them to their next class. “They can’t make me.”

Marinette had her hands pressed to her eyes, as if willing away the images springing up in her brain.

“You guys should read LadyNoir fics sometimes,” Alya added. “If you’re after education, I mean. I’d stay away from kinkier fare for now though.”

“Fics?” Adrien said. “ _LadyNoir_? Written by people shipping real people together? For kinkfests?”

Nino always forgot about how much of an Internet denizen his best friend was, having spent a lot of his free time during his days of homeschooling online, delving into fandoms and discussion boards and such. Trust him to know what fanfiction were. What the hell even were kinkfests, Nino did not want to know.

“Yup!” Alya reached out to catch Marinette by an arm before the fashion designer could hightail out of there. “I read through them, just to see what people make up about the civilian counterparts of Ladybug and Chat Noir. I mean, who knows, maybe one of those authors know them in real life, hiding in plain sight? Hook up fics, break up fics, make up fics, let’s defile church turrets fics–you name it. There’s a ton shipping Ladybug and Chat Noir but there’s a number of self-insertions.”

Adrien had such a look of morbid curiosity, but before he could ask, Marinette made a strangling sort of screech. Nino was almost proud of her, seeing her drag the blond by his bag away from her best friend’s fascinating invitation without melting into a puddle.

“We’re late for geometry class!” she called behind her back.

“Woman,” Nino said as the other two disappeared into the building. “You really scare me sometimes.”

"Just sometimes?” Alya countered.

“I am an insanely brave man, if I do say so myself.“

“What are we going to do with those two?”

Nino wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. “We let them discover this on their own?”

“When would that be?”

“I don’t know, babe, they seem to be getting closer on their own.”

"I wonder why they’re so secondhand embarrassed about the whole thing though. I mean I know Adrien is a fan of Ladybug’s but Marinette–I wonder if that whole Adrien Agreste playing Chat Noir in a movie was too much.”

"Guilty conscience.”

“And horny teenagers.”

“With delicate aesthetics.”

“They’ll never hook up.”

Nino and Alya sighed in shared exasperation as they walked together to their literature class, pondering the mysteries of matchmaking.

**Author's Note:**

> yet another ficlet that started with, “wait miko miko miko imagine if they…” and drafted as just dialogue on her chat window. Inspired by this [edit](http://peonydee.tumblr.com/post/138956179115/kinkyfeline-the-chat-noir-porn-pack-insp).


End file.
